An Open Letter To The Mum Whose Friends Just Went Out Without Her.Posted by Nikki on May 3, 2017.
I know how it feels right now. You’ve been in a whirlwind. It’s been the biggest challenge you’ve faced so far. Being a Mummy is hard, the lack of sleep, the baby poo under your finger nails, the baby sick on your shoulder. It’s been tough, there have been times, lots of times, when you’ve felt you’re not good enough, when you just wanted to cry at 2am when you’ve fed the baby and they just vomited the entire feed across the room. You’ve done your best, You still got up every day and carried on. You’re doing amazingly.
You needed support lovely, Mama, you needed to hear that you were doing a great job. You knew it wouldn’t last forever and you just knew if you hung in there, it would get easier.
What you didn’t know inside the whirlwind was that life was carrying on. Some of the friends you thought would be there every day with a casserole and a pack of Maltesers, just weren’t there anymore. Why weren’t they there? Did they think that you wouldn’t want to go out with them now? Did they think you would be too worried about your baby to have just one evening to yourself? Did they think somehow you had changed? You didn’t change Mama, just your priorities did.
You went on Facebook Mama, it’s happened to us, so many of us. You saw them all out having fun. Why didn’t they ask you? Even if they thought you would say no, wouldn’t it have been kind to have asked, just in case?
But they didn’t know. They didn’t know you were feeling alone, overwhelmed, trying to keep your head above water. Trying to be that Mum who has it all sorted, that Mum who goes to the groups with her make up on and her shit together. They didn’t realise how much you needed them. They didn’t realise that something had to pause, just for a little while. The old you is still there, just on pause while you get your it all together. This is all new to you Mama. They just didn’t get it. You do care, you just can’t do it all.
I have been there Mama, I know how you’re feeling. I have felt what you have. My baby is nearly 8. Some of my friends have stayed, just a few. Some have gone, but I don’t miss them, I only miss the memories. Maybe they’re reading this now with their own baby, feeling how we do. Let’s not be mad, because you know what Mama, I promise you this; In 8 years you’ll look around you, you’ll see the few that stayed and you’ll love them even more. They’ve followed your journey and they’ve watched you become the Mum and woman you now are. They’ve admired how you carried on, how you admitted you were having a shit week but you picked yourself up and looked after everyone else. They love you even more for working your ass off now the kids are bigger, whilst juggling a home, and they respect you. Now you’re the one organising the meals and the hen do’s and you’ll be there for them when their babies come along because you know how it feels.
You’ll meet new friends, they will share your worries, your journey and the incredible first steps by your side. They’ll be there that first day you go back to work and you want to sob into your morning coffee or when your baby first goes to nursery and you cry more than they do, because they know how it feels, how it feels to be a Mama. One might even become godparent to your baby. Maybe one day you’ll be nervous about meeting new people but join a running club and be empowered by women again and you’ll discover the person who was on pause, only you’ll be even better!
Here’s the thing, it’s the friends we meet along the way that help us appreciate our journey after all.
Love from one mother to another.
You’ve got this